Healing Isn’t All Sunshine and Rainbows: Day Two
Healing Isn’t All Sunshine and Rainbows: Day Two
Hey, my beautiful readers! Welcome back to My Sassy Stories, where I share my life honestly, what I’ve experienced, how I felt, and what each season has taught me. So, let’s get into today’s story.
Good morning, my beautiful readers.
Today, I got up and went to work. But before I got my day started, I was thinking about healing. I remember telling y’all that I’m working on that, right? I’m working on healing.
But what does healing look like in my life?
My morning routine includes taking Mocha on a walk. Sometimes, we take long walks because I have a lot on my mind. Walking gives me time to think clearly, and having her beside me helps.
But let’s be clear, y’all: healing doesn’t look like all sunshine and rainbows.
Sometimes, healing looks like, “I don’t want to get out of bed yet,” but I do. “I don’t want to go to work,” but I do. “I don’t want to look at myself in the mirror,” but I do.
It’s getting myself up, getting dressed, and getting ready for the day. It’s enjoying some nice fruits and veggies and a smoothie or two.
And sometimes, healing looks like finding myself at the park, crying.
Crying because I’m still grieving my cousin. Still trying to hold on the best way I can.
That’s what my healing looks like, too.
Where I Am Right Now: Feeling the Pain and Grieving
As I think about my journey through a seven-stage view of healing, the part I recognize myself in right now is feeling the pain and grieving.
For me, that means allowing myself to sit with the raw discomfort, sadness, or anger instead of numbing it or trying to skip over it.
And let me tell y’all, that part is hard.
It means admitting that I miss my cousin. That I feel lonely sometimes. That there are things I’m still angry about and experiences I’m still trying to understand.
Today, it meant sitting at the park and letting myself cry without rushing to wipe my face and act like everything was fine.
I’m using those stages as a way to understand my experience, not as a schedule I have to follow. I can feel some peace and still have grief come back. I can have a better morning and a hard afternoon.
And day two of this series doesn’t mean I’m on “stage two” or that my hurt started yesterday. It means I’m here, sharing another day of what this healing looks like for me.
Right now, I’m giving myself room to feel what hurts.
Sometimes, Healing Looks Like Crying at the Park
Sometimes, I block everything out so I can think. So I can be still.
Sometimes, I cry, wanting to scream out for help, hoping somebody will hear me. Hoping somebody will honestly be there for me.
And sometimes, I keep vlogging. I keep writing about my experiences because I want y’all to understand what this journey looks like while I’m living it.
Healing takes time.
There are days when I’m angry, but I still smile through the pain. Days when something triggers me and I’m dealing with PTSD, but I’m still trying to get through it. I take a breath and try to hold my reaction because I don’t want to react so badly.
Sometimes, I need distance. No Facebook. No Instagram. No TikTok. Just some room to hear myself think.
Sometimes, I pick up a book and finally give myself time to read. Sometimes, I talk to God while walking around the park, trying to find words for everything I’m carrying.
And today, some of those words started coming out like a poem.
What Healing Looked Like Today
Healing is :I don’t want to get out of bed,but I do.
I don’t want to face the mirror, but I stand there anyway,looking at the womanwho’s trying to face another day.
Healing is walking Mocha with too much on my mind,taking my precious time,trying to leave a little hurt behind.
It’s fruit and a smoothie. It’s getting dressed for work. It’s smiling at somebodywhile I’m still carrying hurt.
Healing is a park bench ,tears falling where I sit.Still grieving my cousin,still trying to make sense of it.
It’s sitting on a swing, feeling fourteen and alone,with so much I want to sayand nobody I can see around.
So I breathe in .I breathe out.I talk to Godabout what I can’t figure out.
It’s a trigger. It’s anger. It’s pausing before I speak,trying to find my footingwhen I don’t feel strong this week.
Healing is facing the memories I wish had only been a dream,then finding words for feelingsI’ve been afraid to let somebody see.
“God, can You hear me ?”Sometimes, that’s my prayer.Just me, the birds, the bees,and whatever’s flying through the air.
I’m trying to trust You. I’m trying to find my way.I want to believe You’ve got me,even on a day like today.
Healing is taking the slow walk home, with a little more left to say.I cried. I breathed. I let something go.
And I’m still healing today.
I didn’t plan on turning this into a poem, y’all. I started talking, and the words kept coming.
I love writing poetry. I have so much to say, and sometimes I’m scared of my own words. But today, I gave some of those words room to come out.
What Does Being Free Look Like?
While I was at the park, I asked myself, “Are you free?”
What does free look like? What does healing look like?
Healing looks like me trying to push through. And freedom? I want freedom from the things that have been weighing me down,
I want to let go. I want to look at myself in the mirror without seeing how much I’ve been crying. Without feeling all that hurt inside. Without feeling so lonely.
I want to say, “I’m free,” and feel it.
There were moments today when I felt a little of that. But I’m still asking myself what freedom means for me.
Sometimes, it takes walking alone at the park, crying over what could have been, wishing somebody could hear you.
Today, it felt like nobody heard my cries except God, the birds, the bees, and maybe the flies. Maybe some people, too, right? But I looked around, and I didn’t see anybody.
It was just me at the park, healing.
People say that when God is working on you, everybody disappears. You feel alone, but you’re really not alone.
Well, I don’t know. Maybe in some way that’s true. I’m still trying to understand it.
But here I am once again, y’all, taking my time and trying to see what healing can look like in me.
Day Two: The Steps I Took for My Healing
This is day two of my healing series.
It’s not easy, and it’s not fun facing things I haven’t wanted to talk about. Some days, it feels like fighting battles and demons I’m tired of carrying.
But today, I gave myself time to walk and talk about it. These are the steps I took.
1. I Went to the Park and Gave Myself Room to Feel
I walked. I sat on the swing. I talked, and I cried.
I took deep breaths and gave myself a chance to acknowledge what was on my mind. I didn’t have to rush back into acting like everything was okay.
That was what feeling the pain and grieving looked like for me today: admitting it hurt and allowing the tears to come.
I needed that time, y’all.
2. I Spent Time in Peace and Silence With God
I prayed. I talked to Him about what I was carrying.
Sometimes, I was quiet because I didn’t know what else to say. I wanted God to hear me, even when my words weren’t coming out clearly.
I gave myself time to be still.
3. I Made Room for Reading and Writing
I read, and I worked on my blog.
Writing gave me somewhere to put these feelings. It helped me say things I had been carrying around in my head, including things I didn’t realize I needed to say.
I want to get back to my books and continue making time for reading, writing.
4. I Removed Social Media From My Phone
On this second day, I stepped back from social media and uninstalled the apps from my phone.
That’s something I felt I needed to do for myself. I need space to clear my mind, get back to reading, and stay focused on school.
Today, that was one of my steps toward taking care of myself.
I Released a Little Today
I cried, y’all. And honestly, it helped me.
I’m not saying I’m going to feel better overnight. This is a process.
At first, I wanted to say, “I released a lot today.”
But let me be honest: I released a little.
And that little bit helped.
My healing journey isn’t done. I still have a lot to learn and a lot to work through. There are things I’m going to have to face, feelings I’m going to have to understand, and days when this will still be hard.
Right now, I’m feeling the pain. I’m grieving. I’m allowing myself to acknowledge what I’ve lost and what still hurts.
But today, I also took a breath. I gave myself time. I let some of those feelings come out.
That’s what I can say about day two.
What I Learned
Healing doesn’t look like all sunshine and rainbows. Today it looked like a park, a swing, a poem, and tears. I released a little, and that little bit helped. I’m taking my precious time with this healing, y’all.
And I want to invite y’all to take a step alongside me. Maybe knowing we have somebody walking with us can give us a little encouragement as we work through the trauma and the things we’ve been carrying.
What does your healing look like today?
Share what you feel comfortable sharing. Maybe you cried. Maybe you read. Maybe you took a walk, talked to God, or stepped away from social media.
Today, I went to the park. I talked. I read. I wrote. I cried. And I had some peace and silence with God.
I’m taking my precious time with this healing, y’all.
Tomorrow is day three.
Stay tuned.
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