When Faith Feels Heavy, I Still Hold On

Some prayers don't have pretty words. They just have 'help me.'"

When Faith Feels Heavy, I Still Hold On

Hey, my beautiful readers! Welcome back to My Sassy Stories, where I share my life honestly, what I've experienced, how I felt, and what each season has taught me. Today has been an emotional day for me, one of those days where I'm trying to stay faithful, trying to remind myself that God is still God even when everything around me feels like chaos. So let's get into today's story.

When Faith Feels Heavy

Sometimes faith feels heavy. You look at everything you've been through and you don't know where to place your feelings anymore. What do you do when you're trying to stand in faith, but your knees feel like they're about to give out?

I pray. I keep telling myself, don't break. But some days I feel like I could break at any second. The tears fall like a waterfall. I want somebody to understand without me having to explain every piece of myself, because it feels like nobody hears the silent cries, nobody sees the tears that fall when no one's around.

God, Why Am I Still Fighting This?

I am 36 years old, and sometimes I look at everything I've faced and ask, God, why am I still feeling like this?

I try to hold on and remind myself that better days are coming, but some days I can't see the ending. I spent so much time building walls around myself just to survive, and now I'm trying to figure out how to tear those same walls down. The walls that once protected me are now the walls I'm trying to escape from.

My Kids Keep Me Holding On

Then I think about my kids, how much they need me, what life would look like for them without me here to guide them and love them. Something inside of me says, hold on.

Right now, I'm still walking, still fighting battles people know nothing about, still trying to convince myself there's hope on the other side. If I'm telling the truth, sometimes I ask myself, is there really?

God, Help Me Fight

There are moments when my prayer isn't beautiful, isn't long, isn't filled with perfect words. Sometimes all I have is: God, please help me. Help me because I'm tired. Help me because I'm hurting. Help me because it feels like the devil keeps throwing pain after pain my way.

But here I am. I got my boxing gloves on. I'm ready to fight the devil. I might even swing. 😂 I had to laugh at that one, because sometimes you have to find something to laugh about in the middle of your tears.

How do you fight something you can't see? Maybe that's where faith comes in. Believing even when I can't see. Getting back up even when I'm tired of fighting.

Talking to the Woman in the Mirror

Sometimes I look in the mirror and have to talk to myself. Girl, get it together. This is not the end of you. Keep your head up. Keep going.

It's funny how those words come easier when we're giving them to somebody else. Meanwhile we go home and fight our own battles, and sometimes ours feel even harder. I wonder who I'm becoming, what everything I've been through turned me into. I don't have all the answers yet. But I'm trying.

Getting Up Means I'm Still in the Fight

Every morning I get up, and sometimes those demons get up with me. The memories. The pain. The fear. But guess what? I got up too. As long as I keep getting up, I still have another chance to win.

Faith doesn't mean I'm never going to get tired, or cry, or that every season is going to feel good. Sometimes faith is crying and still praying, being tired and still getting up. Sometimes faith is simply saying, God, I don't understand any of this, but I'm still here.

This Is Not the End of Me

Life has chapters and seasons. Some will make you laugh, some will make you cry, some will have you asking God how much longer you have to fight. But I can't let a bad season convince me my whole story is bad. If I quit now, everything I fought through was trying to convince me I couldn't make it, and I refuse to believe that.

So today, even with tears in my eyes, I'm choosing to hold on, to fight, to pray, to believe there are still good seasons waiting for me. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I got up today. I'm still here. I'm still fighting. And most importantly, I still have faith.

Sometimes that faith may shake. Sometimes it may feel small. But it's there, and as long as it's still inside of me, I'm going to keep going.

What I Learned

I learned that faith was never supposed to mean I feel strong every day. It means I keep showing up on the days I don't. Spiritual fatigue doesn't cancel out faith, it just means I'm human and still fighting anyway. Some days my prayers are only four words long, and God still hears them the same.

My beautiful readers, I want to know from you: what keeps you getting up on the days your faith feels heavy? Tell me in the comments. I read every single one, and I promise you're not fighting alone.